Good Riddance, Colorado

Well, Colorado.
I guess we had a bad date.
I'm aware that many people find you attractive.
And yeah, on the outside, you're very pretty.
But you're an asshole.

You think you're in the WWE.
And that the WWE is real.
Reality TV taught you that dramatic white trash behavior was acceptable.
So you rev your motorcycle and buy your guns and intimidate decent folk with how shaved, tattooed and full of meth your head is.
You're stupid.

Also, you chose drug dependency as your disease.
I don't feel sorry for you and you aren't entitled to my dollar.
You wasted your privileged upbringing for nothing.
You're pointless.

And spandex bicycle shorts still look terrible.
You take cycling too seriously.
You're boring.

And yeah, I'm an asshole, too.
For reasons that I'm well aware of.
But we're just different types of assholes.

Sorry it didn't work out.
On the way out of you, I'm going to listen to a breakdancing compilation I made.
And breakdance all the way to Nebraska.

1. Grandmaster Flash - The Message
2. Herbie Hancock - Rockit
3. The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash On The Wheels Of Steel
4. Twilight 22 - Electric Kingdom
5. Freeez - Pop Goes My Love
6. Newcleus - Jam On It
7. Double Vision - Clock On The Wall
8. Whodini - Magic's Wand
9. GLOBE and Whiz Kid - Play That Beat Mr DJ
10. Grandmaster Melle Mel & The Furious Five - Step Off
11. UTFO - Roxanne, Roxanne
12. Alex & The City Crew - Boogie Head
13. Alex & The City Crew - Shake Your Arm Down Up & Down With The Boogie Speed
14. Alex & The City Crew - Let Electro Beat Make Your Body Move
15. Alex & The City Crew - Space Walk Action


  1. I don't really see how you can "breakdance" without at least including some moonwalking. And I don't see how you can moonwalk in a van.

  2. Jim, you're right.
    I couldn't officially moonwalk in the van.
    However, I did drive it in reverse on the highway for a few miles.
    The locals loved it!